Letters

I taught at Baylor for three years before coming to MTS, and I have had the privilege of teaching thousands of students. My last year at Baylor, I had a very special class. Rather than the usual 60, my class had 21. These students were pursuing various majors, but they were in a leadership residential community, meaning they lived in the same residence hall and participated in many events and classes together. And, because of this, they would be in my Scriptures course in the Fall AND my Church History course in the Spring. We would be together all year.

Our section of Scriptures and History focused on social justice issues, and I arranged the course to encourage the students to think critically about social justice and religion, to begin to find their voices around issues that are important to them, and to integrate these with what they were learning in their other courses, particularly the courses in their majors. This means that we talked about difficult things most of the time. This means that we were vulnerable often. This means that we engaged disagreement with a shared commitment to learning. We got tight, and fast.

Telling them that I was leaving Baylor to move to Memphis was incredibly difficult, even though it was the right move for me.

Before I left, they planned a beautiful surprise for me. They gave me a box filled with letters they had written about our year together, about what they had learned about themselves, and about how much we mean to each other.

I didn't read the letters then, because it was so precious, so wonderful, so loving that I felt like I needed more time to be ready for such a gift.

I read the letters today, upon finishing my first year at MTS. Some were long, while others were brief. Some were funny, and some made me cry. One did both (you know who you are, dear one!). I could hear my students' voices as I read their letters, and my heart filled with joy. I just sat there for a while, reading and rereading, thanking God for the opportunity to be a teacher, thanking God for my students and for their big dreams, and treasuring memories of conversations and cupcakes. (If part of my spirit remains in Waco, it lives at The Olive Branch.)

With more than ten years in ministry and almost five as a professor, I have been blessed beyond measure to walk with students, parishioners, and families, to hear their stories and dreams, and to play a small part in helping them get to where they are going. I love when they stay in touch, when they invite me to celebrate in their accomplishments and share in their sorrows just because we know we love each other.

Dear ones, I am always here for you. And I am always proud of you.

Deep Edges

My Papa Stanley has bought me every pair of skates I have ever owned. Until now.

I have been wearing the same pair of skates since 2005. When Papa bought me those, he got me top of the line custom Harlicks, so that as I moved into upper level double and possibly triple jumps, my skates would carry me through. After he passed away in June, 2009, my skates became a way to still be with him, to still feel his love for me.

But now those skates are worn down. They are held together in duct tape in some places.

So this year, I ordered new skates. On the one hand, I am eager to skate in them. I can't wait to see where my skating can go with the right gear to support me. I've been teetering on the brink of several jumps, and I feel like my body is ready to progress. On the other hand, it feels like burying Papa all over again.

I am keeping the last pair of skates he bought me, the skates that have carried me these past eleven years. I will always keep them. Wearing them as I coach my little students, they will be cozy and familiar. And as I help little skaters find their feet underneath them, my Papa will be helping me find mine.

There's something beautiful about being the first one on the ice, making that first mark across the surface, especially early in the morning when inches of fog rise from the ice surface. There's something hauntingly precious about holding your edge right before a take-off, that moment that feels like an eternity of remembering your greatest falls and your most triumphant landings. And the solace of being in a spin, of letting go of your thoughts and just enjoying the air against your skin and the power of your body to create momentum.

And now a new chapter is starting. Maybe a new pair of skates doesn't seem like enough to mark a new chapter, but skaters will understand.

I imagine that the first time I take the ice in my new skates will be emotional in many ways. I imagine it will take me longer to break them in than I realize, that it will hurt more than I remember, and that I will feel more vulnerable than is comfortable.

But I can't move forward unless I take that first step. And as we coaches tell all of our students who are scared to take their first steps....you can do it, one step at a time.