Have you ever heard someone say that they thank God they were not born a ____? What you fill in that blank will tell you a lot about yourself.
I have had a lot of indoor alone time lately as my body and my cold battle things out. And given an abundance of time on my couch, I have been watching movies and reading books. This "medicine" has given me doses of Amy Schumer, Jennifer Lawrence, Uzo Aduba, Laverne Cox, Zoe Saldana, Emily Blunt, Anna Kendrick, Mindy Kaling, Jenny Lawson, Amy Poehoer, Tina Fey, and Maya Rudolph. It was a good day.
Most of my life, I have received criticism for violating gender norms.
I'm actually pretty well in compliance with most female gender norms. I can cook, sew, crochet, knit, embroider, clean, organize, dance, sing, decorate, and take copious notes. I love children. My idea of sports is figure skating and Zumba. I like to read fiction. I studied five foreign languages. I dress modestly.
But every so often (read: at least weekly) I get an underhanded comment about being too loud, too quick to speak, too eager for public leadership, too independent, or trying to "have it all." These comments are not-so-subtle ways of telling me that I'm being too male.
(Maybe one day I'll write a post that includes some of the most ridiculous things people have said to me. You tell me if this would be helpful for public awareness of latent prejudice.)
Male independence, assertiveness, competence, ambition, and confidence are highly valued. "He'll be the boss one day!" But when I exhibit those traits, I become something unwanted, something dangerous.
I've dealt with that kind of social pressure (and harassment) so long that I've grown accustomed to it. And it doesn't bother me any more because I see through it now. Those comments are the insecurities and fears of others being projected onto me because they want to feel control. It's not really about me, it's about them. My being me doesn't interfere with them being them. They don't realize that, so they take it out on me.
But as I was having my sick-on-the-couch day, I saw a very different picture of public womanhood, and I loved it. I am so thankful for these women and their insistence to create public space for women to be who they are, whether that fits into a gender norm or not. On screen and off, they are assertive, brilliant, funny, vulnerable, wise, flawed, athletic, clumsy, and independent. Some have families while others don't, and their womanhood is not defined by either situation. They are owning their bodies, loving themselves no matter what others think of them, and giving hope to a generation of girls who will grow up seeing more possibilities for women than ever before.
And as I look at my book shelf, I feel even more hope. Malala Yousafzai, Sheryl Sandberg, Jann Aldredge-Clanton, Alice Walker, Delores Williams, Katie Cannon, Letty Russell, Rosemary Radford Ruether, Renita Weems, Marcia Riggs, Susan Shaw, Betsy Flowers, Jacquelyn Grant, Ada Maria Isisi Diaz, Dorothy Day, Mary Daly, and the list goes on. Google them if you don't know them. You'll be the better for it.
Whether scholars or entertainers, this cloud of witnesses is proclaiming a new way to be a society. They are speaking out against sexism and racism and classism and homophobia. And not in dainty, ladylike ways. They are boldly speaking truth to power, saying it like it is, and making it plain. They are insisting that "community" means "all are welcome, all are important, and all share responsibility." They are defying gender norms and being themselves. They aren't perfect, but they are making the paths of their foremothers even wider for those who will follow them.
There is still a long way to go. A long way. Racism, sexism, classism, and homophobia still skew the story, and still silence voices. But I am feeling encouraged that I am part of a global sistren who are standing up for women's equality and making the audacious claim that women of all races, cultures, ages, and sexualities have something important to offer to public discourse.
Thank you to women who are writing memoirs about breaking through glass ceilings and into board rooms and revolutionizing their countries. Thank you to women who are speaking up in meetings. Thank you to women who are pursuing their dreams even if others say it's selfish or foolish. Thank you to women who are funny. Thank you to women who speak up for those whose voices are silenced. Thank you to women who choose health/sanity over ridiculous standards of thinness. Thank you to women who pass their wisdom to future generations.
Who are your sheroes? Whether famous or famous-to-you, who are the women who give you hope and who inspire you?
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